The Contradictory Laws of Attraction

At some point in life, you might notice (as I did) that there are seemingly two contradictory Laws of Attraction:

Law of Attraction #1: “Opposites Attract”

Law of Attraction #2: “Like Attracts Like”

The “opposites attract” law is generally used to describe how two very different people ended up in a relationship. Yet at other times, we are told that “like attracts like”, which is generally the case when we are trying to attract something into our lives. For example, a person with low self-esteem might tend to attract someone with a similar lack of self-worth.

Let’s examine why both laws are valid and under what circumstances.

Law #1: Opposites Attract

I learned how this law worked from my experiences of being with a friend who was always pointing out women whom he considered to be physically attractive. After a while, I started to question why it was that I wasn’t nearly as interested in their physical appearance as this man was. Was his behavior normal? Or was I simply not as observant; i.e. was I simply not paying attention to such details?

After debating the reasons for some time, I realized that my friend was attracted to these ladies because he simply was unable to see himself as physically attractive. He therefore had a desire to find someone who could compensate for his perceived lack of beauty, albeit on a subconscious level.

As a rule, all of us have – to one degree or another – physical or personality traits that we realize are lacking in ourselves. And when we see these traits in another, it attracts us to that person.

Although forming a relationship with an “opposite” personality is an attempt to balance the self, it doesn’t actually work. Instead, the relationship itself becomes unhealthy and dysfunctional, as both people in it are relying on the other to compensate for their weaknesses, instead of each person trying to improve those weaknesses in themselves.

Law #2: Like Attracts Like

When we take responsibility for our lives, instead of blaming other when things don’t go our way, we begin on a journey of self-empowerment and improvement. This process will strengthen the parts of us that are weak, which will in turn lead to more balanced personalities.

And by successfully making ourselves “whole”, we no longer rely on, or are attracted to, people with opposite traits because we have managed to strengthen them in ourselves. At this point, we will be attracted to (and attracted by) people who are also well on their journeys of self-improvement. Because both people in such a relationship are individually well-balanced, the relationship in turn will be healthy and functional.

It should also be mentioned that if you are already in a relationship when you decide to begin a process of self-improvement, the relationship may not survive unless your partner is also willing to take the necessary steps toward balancing him/herself. It is not your responsibility to “motivate” your partner to change however, nor will you likely be successful. This is because each person’s motivation for self-improvement must ultimately come from within. Regardless, in order to establish a healthy and balanced relationship with another person, it is important first and foremost to be an emotionally and mentally healthy individual.