How often does somebody asked you “do you want my advice?” and you immediately respond “sure”. Have you ever answered no to somebody you respected? The very fact that somebody is offering you advice, instead of you asking for it, is an indication in itself that you probably don’t want it or need it.
Checking in with yourself
One of the services I perform is known as “professional cuddling”. When people initially hear about it, they think that it is simply paying someone for hugs. But although there is a physical-connection aspect to the service, there is also a more powerful aspect to cuddling: learning to honor what you need.
The cuddling service provides clients with a safe container for learning how to acknowledge and communicate their needs. For example, if I were to ask a client about making physical contact in a certain way, I don’t want an immediate response. Instead, I want the client to “check in with herself” to see what she wants, and how she feels about it. When there is no pause between the question and answer, it indicates that the client gave an answer without really knowing herself what she wanted. So by taking a moment to actually consider the question, the client is training how to listen to herself, instead of respond in a way that does not honor what she truly wants.
Honoring your own needs applies to the mental level as well. If somebody wants to give you advice, the first thing to do is check in with yourself to see if you feel you need. It. For instance, have you already decided what you are going to do in the current situation? If yes, then you don’t need advice. How about if you are confused about what you need to do? In this case, you are probably better off asking someone you trust for advice instead of any random person who offers it.
Sage wisdom
Generally speaking, those wise people who would be able to offer sound advice don’t offer it. Instead, they will wait for you to ask for it. In contrast, the people who are offering advice are not giving it to you for your own sake. Instead, they are offering it for their own ego-centric purposes. These are generally people who have the need to “take care of others” because it makes them feel better about themselves. With such people, they don’t even concern themselves with whether or not they truly understand your problem. You may not even have a problem, and they will give you advice anyway.
The wise teachers, counselors, and healers are different. When you come to them with problems, they will listen to you. And then, they will often do something very clever: they won’t give you advice, even when asked. Instead, they will ask you questions.
They know that the our personal truths are already found inside of us. Often these truths are so deep inside us that we don’t even recognize that it’s there on the conscious level. But when asked the right questions, our inner guidance immediately knows the answers. And then we realize that we knew the truth all along, and didn’t need anyone’s advice.
Asking God
When dealing with God, the situation can be similar. First of all, we won’t get an answer unless we ask the question. God does not hand out unsolicited advice. But even when we can ask God for advice, it may seem that we don’t get an answer. In such situations, it might be because the answer does not come in spoken format. Instead, it might come via a life situation or experience that directly or indirectly provides us with the answer. Therefore, it’s important to always be aware of what is happening in our lives, and try to see everything from the “highest” perspective possible. By “high” perspective, I mean not from an egotistical perspective, but a perspective of questioning every life experience by asking: “What can I learn from this?”.
Developing the guidance system
Learning to develop your internal guidance is essential for anyone interested in self and soul development. Always relying on others for advice is an unhealthy way to live. Life is a process of learning from our own mistakes, which means we have to make mistakes in order to learn from them.
Once we learn how to listen to our internal guidance, it is necessary to make a habit of following through as much as possible. Learn to trust yourself. Even if it initially looks like you made a mistake, you will eventually come to realize that there are no mistakes. Sometimes it is necessary for something “bad” to happen in order for something else good to happen later on. In reality, there is no bad, because that “bad” is simply a necessary part of your path.
After a while, you will see that life is simply a series of ups and downs. Then you will learn to enjoy the process more and more instead of worrying about what choices need to be made. But to get to this level, you must empower yourself by listening to your own guidance. Only you know what you truly need to do. So why would you even want to ask somebody else?