Stop Searching for Your Soulmate

In the classic ending to modern fairy tales, the princess marries her prince, and the couple end up living happily ever after. In reality, relationships do not work this way: after an initial “honeymoon phase”, the relationship is anything but eternal bliss. And when times get rough, people are tempted to believe that it is their partner is the problem. In other words, there is a tendency to believe that a relationship does not work simply because they have not found the right partner.

In current society, most people know about the concept of a soulmate, even if they don’t believe in it. Supposedly, if a person finds his true second half who “completes” them, then the relationship will be perfect. But even if the idea of a soulmate seems far-fetched, we as a society do believe in the necessity of choosing a partner who is “compatible”.

Soulmates and Soul Groups

Before going further, it would be helpful to clarify some terminology. Both “soulmate” and “twin flame” can be used to refer to that one special person that completes you in a way nobody else can. But the term soulmate can have another meaning as well. It can also refer to loved ones in your life that you have a strong, loving relationship with. These are people who you love dearly and would do anything for. A soulmate could be a friend or a relative. For instance, a grandmother might have a granddaughter that she feels a special relationship with. By understanding what soulmates are, the special relationship makes sense.

When souls are in the between-life state, they agree with each other about the roles that they will play in each other’s upcoming lives. Some key roles (parents, siblings, children, etc.) could be comprised of souls that they have not “worked” with before. Other roles might be with those who a soul has shared numerous previous lives with. A group of souls that habitually incarnates together in lifetime after lifetime is called a soul group. In life, people who are from the same soul group will often recognize each other as “soulmates”.

Even though we do not remember our previous lives on a conscious level, the events and relationships of past lives do affect us at the subconscious level. For example, you might meet a person who you immediately dislike, even though you can’t explain why. It’s possibly because the person reminds you of somebody else you don’t like. But another possibility is that the two of you were rivals in a previous life. Even though you don’t remember the previous life, you subconsciously remember the energy/feel of this person, which in turn leads you to immediately dislike them.

In the case of a soulmate, the opposite is true. You already have a strong energetic bond of love between each other from previous lives. Therefore, when you meet the person in this life, you immediately recognize a “connection” to the other person, even though you can’t explain why.

The Origin of Twin Flames

Since soulmates do not necessarily mean your “one and only”, the term twin flame can be used instead to avoid confusion. The twin flame is, by definition, your true “second half”. It is the person who completes you in a way that no other person can. A relationship with a twin flame is described as being “intensely passionate”. However, there is a caveat: it is extremely rare for two people to be in a relationship with their twin flame…in any of their lifetimes. And there is a reason for this.

Before the infamous “fall of man”, humankind lived in the Garden of Eden (also known as Lemuria). Please note that the Biblical account of the fall of man is a symbolic story of what transpired to the human race as a whole, and not a literal account of what happened to Adam and Eve.

In Lemuria, humans existed at the etheric (as opposed to physical) level. In other words, they existed at a level that has higher vibrations than the physical plane. At the etheric level, humans did not die: they were able to live indefinitely. They also did not have the conscious understanding of separation: they saw themselves as part of the whole, and their actions were selfless.

Initially, humans also did not have gender. But this changed over a period of time, as humans split into two halves: a male and female. The two halves are the origin of the twin flame: your twin flame is your original counterpart of the body you were divided from. For many years following, each partner lived in perfect harmony with the other. They were truly living “happily ever after”.

The fall of man was a turning point for mankind. Until this moment, each partner selflessly lived for the happiness of the other. This wasn’t because humans were spiritually more advanced. Instead, it was because they did not have a concept of being unique.

But in order for souls to develop individual consciousness, it was necessary for them to temporarily experience a self-centered existence. Therefore, the fall of man wasn’t the tragic accident it is portrayed to be in the Christian religion. Instead, the fall was a vital step on the evolutionary path of each soul’s spiritual development.

Why a Twin Flame Relationship is Counterproductive

The result of selfish actions led to the lowering of the vibration of humankind as a whole. This descent resulted in humans incarnating in physical bodies that had a limited lifespan. This descent is symbolized in the Bible as Adam and Eve being forced out of the Garden of Eden.

For centuries after the fall, humans experienced lifetime after lifetime as separate, ego-centered beings. These experiences of free will have been instrumental in the creation of our unique and wonderful personalities. However, we as a race now have the extremely difficult task of remembering our true divine nature: that we are ALSO a part of a whole.

In other words, it is now necessary – as individual consciousnesses – to once again become aware of our true divine nature. With this realization, we will be able to ascend off of the physical plane and return permanently to the existence of light and love. But until this ascension occurs, we will cycle indefinitely from one physical incarnation to the next.

Our relationships are crucial to helping us make this realization. To explain, let’s think of physical life as playing a video game. But instead of realizing you are playing the game, your consciousness is trapped in the avatar of the person you are controlling. To escape the game, you need to realize that you are not the avatar, but something much greater.

If the video game was a nice experience without any real hardships, we wouldn’t have any motivation to escape from it. Instead, we would be comfortable staying right where we are. And that is the trouble with having a relationship with your twin flame.

A romantic relationship with your twin flame is potentially such an intense experience that the partners have a tendency to “lose sight of the big picture”. In such a relationship, it is easy to ignore the troubles of life. This is a problem, because each lifetime presents a valuable opportunity for discovering one’s true nature and developing spiritually. Therefore, meeting and marrying one’s true flame in life is often viewed as a “wasted opportunity”. Even if life is good, nothing is truly gained if spiritual progress is stagnant.

The Spiritual Purpose of Relationships

Ever wonder why we are sexually attracted to certain people, but not attracted to others? There is a psychological reason for this. You are attracted to those people who have negative traits corresponding to your suppressed emotional baggage, and vice versa.

The Laws of attraction: an example

If you were severely shamed as a child for being selfish, this may have resulted in you suppressing this trait and even going out of your way to doing unselfish things for your lover. In this case, you will be attracted to a mate who is selfish. However, when you fall in love with them, you are blinded to the negative trait, and instead see the positive aspect of that trait. I.e., for a selfish person, you will see someone who is self-assertive and goes after what they want.

At the same time, that selfish partner will look at you and see what appears to be your unselfish character. But you are not actually unselfish; instead your actions have an agenda: you are seeking approval. But your partner won’t see your needy character, nor will they realize that it is related to their own emotional baggage.

Relationships for Self-Discovery

It’s very easy to see flaws in others, but difficult to recognize them in ourselves. This is why relationships (and not just romantic ones) are so valuable: they are an extremely helpful tool for self-discovery.

Think for a moment how a spiritually “perfect person” would act in a relationship. Such a person would not get upset over a partner’s hurtful actions. Instead, this person would recognize that the partner’s behavior was due to their own emotional baggage. Therefore, no matter how aggressive or unloving the partner was, a perfect person would always react to their partner with love.

If we realize this, we will understand that it is not our partner’s actions that cause our negative reactions. Instead, it is our own past emotional wounds which cause our pain. Knowing this, we can use the patterns in our relationships to help unbury our own unconscious baggage.

This process of self-discovery will eventually lead us to a point where we can learn to be more accepting and loving of ourselves and others. Once we realize that hurtful actions are not personal, but simply reactions to emotional pain from past experiences, we are able to have more empathy and love for others, and for ourselves. And by continuing down this path, we will eventually be able to recognize the true divinity of ourselves and other people.


Although a romantic relationship with a twin flame sounds ideal, there is little chance of significant spiritual growth in such a relationship. So from a higher perspective, a normal (i.e. challenging) relationship provides a better opportunity for two souls to find the path to an existence that is genuinely “happy ever after”.