The Love of Your Life: Merging with the Higher Self

Parable of the Bridesmaids

When I was a young child, one of the parables of Jesus that confused me the most was the parable of the bridesmaids. Here is a synopsis of that story.

Late in the evening, there were 12 bridesmaids who were waiting outside a door to be let into a wedding party. Curiously, the time of the wedding party was unknown. As it was dark outside, all of the ladies were waiting with oil lamps. However, six of the ladies ran out of oil and asked the others to share.

The others refused, so the six that ran out of oil went away to purchase more oil. While those six ladies were gone, the doors to the wedding party were opened. The six bridesmaids who did not run out of oil were allowed into the party.

The Hidden Message

Given the fact that the spiritual path involves prioritizing the spiritual self over the ego self, the ego is easily offended by spiritual truths. To mitigate this issue, Jesus would often teach using parables. This way, those who were ready for spiritual truths would learn from the teachings, while those who were not ready would not understand the real meanings of the parables.

The ultimate goal of life is to gain an awareness that we are part of God. This “God” is what Jesus often referred to as the “Father”. Each of us has a true, divine self (part of God) that has a conscious awareness of who it is. This part of self dwells deep in our hearts in what is sometimes called the “Holy of Holies” or the Holy Heart. Jesus referred to this diving part of self as “the Son” and “the Christ”. In spirituality there are many names for the Son; one of the most common is the “Higher Self”

In the parable, Jesus was explaining the need to prepare oneself for the merger with the Higher Self. Those that did not prepare would potentially miss the opportunity when it presented itself. Additionally, each person must individually prepare: nobody can rely on the personal work and preparations of others.

Preparing for the Higher Self Merger

The following are ways to prepare for the merger with the Higher Self:

1) Raising your vibration

In the parable, running out of oil refers to the inability to consistently “shine one’s light”. To be able to be in a constant state of love and light, it is necessary to consciously work on raising our vibrations.

In order to merge with the higher self, we cannot rely on the “light” and vibrations of others. Instead, we must raise our own vibrations to such a degree that we will not be dependent on others. We raise our vibrations by cultivating genuine feelings of love for self and others. This process usually involves forgiving self and others of all grudges that we are currently holding against others.

2) Trusting the process

The ego self does not have the perspective that the higher self does. As a result, it wants to try to control the process due to fear that something “bad” might happen. Preparing to merge with the higher self involves trusting that our life situations are what are necessary to move us forward in our spiritual development. These situations will likely be difficult, which is why we need to trust the process and not avoid pain merely for the ego’s sake.

To heal emotionally, it is necessary to face the pain that we normally would hide from. To heal spiritually, we need to own up to our negative and false beliefs in order to consciously release them. This means we have to drop our psychological defenses, which can be scary and leave us feeling vulnerable.

The rule of thumb is: let go of all negative (psychological) defenses. Treat all situations as part of the healing process. When something happens to us that we don’t like, don’t react defensively or try to run from it. Instead, be curious about the situation and contemplate why it may be necessary to experience such a situation at this time.

3) Preparing the Temple

Think of the combination of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies as a temple that you are creating for the future residence of your Higher Self. As you go about your daily life, consciously check in with the state of this temple. Ask yourself what you can do to make it feel more purified and sacred. Is there a lot of stress in your temple? What types of food are being used in the creation of your temple? What kind of thoughts are being used in the creation of your temple?

Part of this preparation work involves clearing your karma. Your Higher Self will not be able to merge with you until you have at least balanced your positive and negative karma. The quickest way to balance your karma is a two-step process:

  1. Set an intention to release all your current karma.
  2. Remove yourself from all the current drama in your life and forgive others and self.

Karma can only exist in relationships. There must be a giver of action and a receiver. Often, we stay in karmic patterns of behavior with other people for many years or lifetimes. But at any moment, we can drop these karmic patterns. Do be aware that when we do this, we will lose those karmic relationships with others. As a result, the people in your life will either have to connect with you in healthy ways, or they may choose to distance themselves from you and find other people to engage with in (unhealthy) karmic relationships.

The Love of Your Life

It is no secret that relationships are often difficult. Living with someone else means living with someone who ultimately prioritizes their own interests above yours. No matter how much you wish for unconditional love from another human being, you will not find it. You may come close, but a relationship with another human will never be able to satisfy the longing of your heart for unconditional love.

Imagine a relationship with a partner that you know will always be faithful, and who will always love you intensely and unconditionally at all times under all conditions. Such a partner exists for each person, but not in human form. It is your Higher Self.  When we keep searching for a relationship with other people, it is due to our internal desire to form a relationship with the Higher Self. No matter how much we may love our sexual partners, none of them will ever be able to completely satisfy our longings for unconditional love.

Note: when people learn about the spiritual path, they often view it in terms of what they feel they are being asked to give up or sacrifice. Some common questions are:

  • “Do I need to leave my family?”
  • “Does this mean I will have to give up sex?”
  • “Is my partner/spouse going to leave me?”

In reality, nobody is being asked to sacrifice anything. Instead, we are all given an invitation to stop chasing after the material things in life and to start pursuing that which will ultimately bring us the inner peace and love that each of us so desperately craves.

We do not have to give up anything. We don’t need to give away our possessions, leave our families, join a monastery, follow a guru, or make any other dramatic changes to our lives. On the contrary, we are free to continue enjoying our material possessions, family, relationships and sexual activities. What we are being asked to do is prioritize our spiritual development above the goals and desires of the ego.

As we progress along the spiritual path, we will eventually discover that all the things that we are so scared to “sacrifice” are in fact quite insignificant compared to joys that result from spiritual development. In other words, the beauty and love and peace that we find along the spiritual path will put everything else into a different perspective. We will realize that all the material things in life simply were not giving us the fulfillment that we thought they were. Instead, these things were, in some respects, preventing us from being motivated to pursue the spiritual path.

The Higher Self Merge

As you prepare for the merge, you will begin to develop a relationship with your Higher Self. Your Higher Self has a gender (which may be the opposite of your current gender) and a name. Over time, you will learn the name of your Higher Self and start to communicate with him or her.

Your Higher Self wishes nothing but to merge with you. However, it is completely up to you to allow this to happen. This includes a conscious surrender to your Higher Self and allowing it to be a part of your everyday life and decision-making process. This is a very difficult process for people who are scared of “losing control”.

Once again, it should be stressed that this process will never be forced upon you. It is completely up to you to decide whether or not you wish to merge together. As you continue to merge with the Higher Self, the self-centered ego self will slowly be relinquished. As the ego self is released, all of the ego baggage of fear, worry, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, etc. will also be released.

Other Traditions

It is not necessary to understand the Higher Self merge in order for it to happen. If a person is spiritually ready, It is also possible for this process to occur without the person even being aware of it. There are also other traditions, such as Buddhism, that use techniques and practices that will lead to a Higher Self merge. However, Buddhism does not speak in the same terms as spirituality; it will describe the process as “achieving nirvana”.

It is unimportant how the process is achieved. What is important is to realize that all religious and spiritual teachings – regardless of the words used or the practices that are taught – are ultimately striving for the same goal that brings about a condition of inner peace and unconditional love.