Hi, I’m Jeremy Elliott, the author of the Positive Resonance blog. I’m a self-described “spiritual nerd” who is fascinated with all things connected to spirituality, including the inhabitants of spiritual realms, the true nature of reality, and the ultimate purpose of life. When I’m not reading a book written by a healer or channeled from an ascended master, you might catch me walking in nature, playing the piano, cooking something delicious, or writing for this blog.
I’ve spent most of my life working a typical office job (mostly in digital marketing), but I contribute to this site in my spare time. For years now, I’ve enjoyed studying, exploring, and writing about spiritual topics. At some unknown point in the future, I hope to be able to switch full-time to a spiritually-based career.
My exploration into spirituality started after my brother-in-law accidentally died in a house fire. That tragic event triggered my curiosity about life after death and the meaning of life itself. Since that time, I’ve studied and explored many aspects of spirituality, including meditation, tai chi, psychic skills development, energy healing, regression therapy, shamanic journeying, and more.
My spiritual journey has not been an easy one. The first blog posts that I wrote were about suicide and depression; they were the result of trying to make sense of my personal personal struggles while on the spiritual path. A brief history of my spiritual journey is recounted below.
Starting the journey
Ever since I graduated college, I mostly worked in an office. My career wasn’t something that I chose as much as it was basically something I stumbled into. From an early age, I had never had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life. Although the work was interesting at times, I was mainly working that job for the money (and the fact that I didn’t know what I really wanted to do). But I couldn’t see myself continuing down that career path for the rest of my life. The very thought was depressing and a bit frightening.
In the meantime, I had been studying and exploring spirituality for several years. Then around 2017, I decided to try a spiritual counseling session with a local intuitive healer in the Boston area. In that session, my guides gently suggested that I look into energy healing.
Making the Jump
When I heard this suggestion, I was quite excited. I finally felt that my life actually had a purpose. I further concluded that there was a definite Divine plan for my life, and all I needed to do was make the “right” decisions and everything would fall into place.
Initially, that is exactly what looked like was going to happen. Soon after that session, I had a dream about traveling to a certain location. A little while later, I stumbled upon an energy healing school that was located in that very place I had dreamed about traveling to. A couple of days later, I woke up from a nap hearing the words echo in my head: “Have you made your decision yet?”. I then received a notification from my office job that I would be paid a large cash bonus at the end of the year.
To me, the path was clear. I would join the school, quit my office job (which I was very tired of anyway) and go look for some sort of employment that was more aligned with healing work. I felt that I just needed to have faith that everything would fall into place.
Looking back, the decision seemed a bit more childish and naive then I felt it was at the time. But whether or not it was the “right” choice, it definitely was a risky one. And at that time I was both married and the main provider for my family, which included 2 children. So regardless of whether or not I thought the risk was worth it, I was married to someone who didn’t agree.
Life Falls Apart
I quickly enrolled and started attending the energy school, a decision that I made without consulting my wife, and despite her solid opposition to the idea. And when I informed my wife of my plans to quit my job, she panicked (and had every justification for doing so). She told me directly that if I quit my job, she would divorce me. Considering how much I felt we loved each other, I didn’t believe that this decision would be something that would cause the end of our relationship.
I was wrong, however. As soon as I quit my job, my wife threw me out of her bed the same day. Regardless, I stubbornly refused to back down with my plans. As a consequence, my wife filed for divorce less than two months later. I was completely shocked and devastated.
The idea of my wife leaving me was not something that I had been emotionally prepared for. Instead of things falling into place, my life was falling apart. I was in so much emotional pain that I soon contemplated killing myself, as life had become almost unbearable. For the next few months, I fell into a very dark place, and my existence became miserable.
In the meantime, my wife started sleeping with a mutual friend within a month of filing for divorce. When my wife herself texted me the news, the heartbreak was more painful than I could have ever considered possible. It literally felt like my heart had burst open and a river of pain was flowing out of it.
During this time, I also started to struggle financially, which was partly in part due to continuing to study at the energy healing school. Another factor was that the new job I had found (as a caretaker for an ederly gentleman) paid 3-4 times less than my previous job. I soon found myself in credit card debt for the first time in my life. And near the end of the school year, I felt compelled to quit the caretaker job, as the client himself was verbally abusive and thus the job was further eroding my mental health.
The day before the divorce was final, my wife came to me and asked me if I had changed my mind. I didn’t even know what I was supposed to change my mind about at this point. We were legally divorced the following day.
Life After the Divorce
Following the divorce, I found myself homeless, with no money and no job. Having no other options available, I moved several states away from my children to live with my mother. Not only did I feel directionless, but I had basically lost everything. Not knowing what to do next, I decided to schedule another spiritual counseling session via skype to figure out how to salvage what remained of my so-called life.
One of my first questions was about the energy healing school. To my surprise, I was told that I was not supposed to return to the school that year. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. I felt like I had sacrificed everything in order to attend this school, and now I was being told not to return.
It’s a bit hard to describe the state of shock I was in following this news. (By this time, my mother was out of town living with a boyfriend, and I was all alone.) For the next 24 hours following that session, I did not get off of my bed (which at that time was a mattress on the floor of a tiny room). In fact, I don’t think I moved at all. My life seemed so useless and without meaning, and I didn’t know what I was living for anymore.
It took me 3 days before I started eating again. I wasn’t particularly thrilled at the prospect of staying alive, but I also wasn’t fully committed to dying either. And incredibly, I was still determined to start some sort of “spiritual career”. I still had it in my head that I just needed to have faith that things would turn out OK.
I decided to take a gamble and open up a reiki practice. I searched the area and soon found a suitable space for a healing room, and after a couple of months I had a nice space set up and ready to go. I named my practice “Positive Resonance”.
Once again, I was hoping that if I didn’t give up, things would eventually come together. In this case, the reiki practice seemed to symbolize a real and positive intention toward my goal of establishing a spiritual career.
Once again, however, it was simply not to be. During the few months that I was in business, I never was able to bring in enough clients in order to break even. Instead, I lost thousands of dollars, which added to the debt that I had already accumulated. It was yet another effort to pursue a spiritual career that ultimately ended in failure. Once it was clear that my reiki practice was not going to succeed, I closed my practice. At this point in time, I was able to move back to the Boston in order to be closer to my children.
In the meantime, my wife (who had presumably divorced me over financial fears) was able to find enough work as a freelancer to survive on her own. This doesn’t mean that everything went smoothly for her. On the contrary, she had to work extremely long hours in addition to raising the children all on her own. But it was very painful for me to watch as she herself proved that her fears had been misguided. Meanwhile, from her point of view I had caused her an extreme amount of pain by deciding to “abandon” her by prioritizing my “spiritual quest” over that of our marriage.
The Final Tally
In the meantime, I decided to be more practical about how I started my spiritual career. At this point, there weren’t a lot of options: without a steady income I was on the brink of bankruptcy. I therefore concluded that I would need to go back to a “normal” job and find a way to make a smoother transition to a spiritual career. Psychologically, this was a difficult decision to make, as it meant I had to literally admit defeat. I had lost everything from my decision boldly pursue a spiritual career, while gaining what appeared to be nothing in return.
That isn’t to say that nothing was gained. I did learn a lot of lessons from my experiences. And I did study a lot of spiritual literature during the months I was alone, and used the information from my studies as inspiration for my blog posts. However, it was often quite difficult to maintain a positive attitude about my situation. I had many moments of despair, suicidal episodes, and the feeling that I’d never be able to climb out of the hole that I’d dug myself into.
As things currently stand (which is the spring of 2020), I am still putting in as much effort as I can towards making some sort of spiritually-based career a reality for me. My life may not have “come together”, but the prospect of a spiritually-based career is still something that gets me excited. In the meantime, I am working on a book on the topic of suicide, which I hope will be completed by the fall of 2020.